While we millennials makeup the largest percentage for the single/never married category than any other gen group according to a 2015 Gallop Poll I truly believe we all do have the desire to be married and start a family one day. That being said can I be brutally honest for a sec?
We place a tremendous emphasis on the areas of marriage that ultimately have zero significance in our ACTUAL unions. For example, the carat size in the setting, the dress, the scale of wedding, what BAE/Hubby got you from the mall etc. What we don’t talk enough about is the investment we make in our spouses and our relationships. Or what role God or whatever higher being you believe in plays in the relationship. We need to change the generational narrative around how we see and desire something so special and sacred.
Sean and I are now three years into our marriage and have made the commitment to each other and God that we are taking this thing to the next level by way of his vision and process. 14 years together in total and we’re STILL working on us, but that’s the takeaway. The message is its forever going to be work, that’s why its called a commitment. It’s very similar to the notion that just because we attend undergrad for 4 years millennials believe that we should come into the workforce starting off with six-figure salaries with no time on the clock. No, its earned – put in that WORK. You have to invest the time and energy into your relationship and when you do you’ll reap the rewards. It has nothing to do with the wedding, the wedding is one day and then reality smacks you when all the gifts are opened and the REALNESS begins.
3 Things I’ve learned that have elevated my approach to marriage:
1. Kill the Noise That Our Culture Speaks
A marriage is 50/50 – FALSE, its 100/100. This cultivates a negative connotation that you don’t have to come to the table with it all, why wouldn’t you? Yet we are told this…To give love and affection when it’s deserved – again, this is noise. This way of thinking will just lead to inevitable difficulties down the road. Net Net, come with your best because matrimony is a gift – receive it and do it right.
2. The Goal of Marriage is Oneness, Find it.
This is simply stated but requires work to accomplish. Oneness is not about fusing into one entity, but to become one spiritually and it works!
3. Meet Him/Her in Their World
We all lead busy lives so it can be very difficult to find time to connect, especially during the week. Conflicting schedules, racing evening clock, before we know it its 10PM and its time to do it all over again. But I try and mentally depart from it all focus on us. Most times its just watching a show that I may not like but will push through just to be together. Cause Its not all about you…
The most helpful book we’ve read together on the topic of learning how to be alive in marriage is “Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect he Desperately Needs” by New York Times Best Seller Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The book provides clear applicable tools that will help you better meet each other’s needs.
What are your thoughts? How do you practice significance with your partner?